Heptune presents:


Heptune's purpose is humor and information, preferably both at the same time!


Site map for most of the Heptune pages.

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Ralph and Beulah's Online Cuisine for the Adventurous This page offers a menu of interesting food combinations!

The Lorenz-Pulte Jazz Page  This page is devoted to our favorite jazz performers: Cab Calloway, Blanche Calloway, Fats Waller, Louis Armstrong, Don Redman, Frankie "Half-Pint" Jaxon and Lil Johnson.

Star Tricked -- The Next Perpetration  These are full-length radio script parodies of Star Trek. Read these to find out: Who is Data's youngest brother? What surprising romance developed among which members of the Enterprise crew? What terrible disease afflicted Dr. Crusher, and how did she get it? What happened when Picard and his away team visited the Cotton Club in Harlem in 1935? What famous jazz musician joined the Enterprise crew? What is the quirk in Data's programming? What happened when Dr. Soong met Yoda?  What is Riker's terrible secret? What do Federation Starships do with their sewage? Who is Dr. Soong's prototype android? How do Vulcans reproduce? Why is Lore so nasty? What's the most successful method of Borg assimilation? Who are the remarkable new arthropoid alien allies of the Federation? What happens when Scotty tries to fix Data? What does Deanna name her baby?   Who are the mysterious strangers stranded on Beta Gorgo I? With whom does Beverly Crusher find romance? What is the price of a Federation alliance with Bigassia? What stranger arrives unexpectedly with Beverly's lover's cat? Now up to 17 episodes!

Malachi's Movie Reviews Find out what is wrong with Godzilla! Find out which version of Moby Dick is better. Find out who is the cheesiest actor in human history!

What's It Like to Live on Guam? Read here about our typhoons, our climate, geography and other basic but fun information, with lots of pictures of typhoon devastation!

Critters of Guam  Learn about our wildlife, including the notorious brown tree snake, geckos and many, many more! We have now added Microscopic Critters of Guam, where you can learn about our incredible freshwater microfauna. And Tales of Guam! More about our beautiful island! And now we have Even More Tales of Guam!

Recommended Reading! Check out our favorite books: weird books, jazz books, children's books and others.

Akhenaten and Amarna.  An introduction to the most fascinating pharaoh in Egypt's history! Also read about Akhenaten's family  and The Mystery of Akhenaten: Genetics or Aesthetics? If Akhenaten were to make his own webpage, what would it be like? Find out at The Online Shrine to my Father, The Great Living Aten: Webpage-en-Aten. Find out about the art from Akhenaten's reign at The Art of the Amarna Period. Read about the lives of the Amarna people at The Amarna Royal Family: Biographies of the Amarna Royalty .

Sizzling Organic Dramas. Here are four short but exciting organic chemistry plays! And now we have How to Pass Chemistry for those who need to know.

The Lorenz-Pulte Cat Page. Meet our Guamanian cats!

Which Does Not Belong? Can you figure them out?

Names of the Sea and A Tragedy Told in Names Two installments in the Baby Names of the Pacific and Asia series. And now we have Baby Names Central, where you can find a list of unusual baby names and an index of the names discussed on our pages. Also, vote in our weekly Baby Name Polls!

Homeschooling FAQs: Do you have questions about homeschooling? Check out our answers!

Facts on Farts! Information about farts, as well as lists of synonyms and playground rhymes! Now with a scatty companion page, The Scoop on Poop.

Betty Boop: A guide to Betty Boop cartoons, including lyrics to her songs! Also read about Betty Boop: Before and after the Hays Act! What a difference!

The Lorenz-Pulte Art Gallery:  All our favorite weird drawings -- check them out! More will be added on a regular basis.

Cuttlefish: the Sentient Cephalopod:  Our adventure with the cuttlefish of Sentosa, complete with cool photographs of the cuttlefish.

Komodo Dragons and Their Islands: All about the largest lizards in the world, and where they live. Now you can read about the fruit bats on Satonda Island in Indonesia.

The Lorenz-Pulte Link and Webring Encyclopedia:  This is a list of the links we like, the webrings we belong to, a long list of search engines, and places to find free web space.

The Classical Jazz and Blues Lyrics Page:  We have started the project of transcribing lyrics off old jazz and blues recordings from the early part of the 20th century. Keep checking back... we're always adding more! Now more than 500 songs!

About us! Learn a little more about us.

Megaera's Actor Reviews: Reviews of actors and actresses, with photos, links, and a view of what they would look like if their genders were reversed!

Malachi's Monster Interviews: Malachi brings you the words of some of his favorite monster celebrities, beginning with Godzilla, Mothra, Gigan and Anguirus. And if that's not scary enough, check at the Toho All-Monster Light Opera Productions Scrapbook!

Pagan, Northern Marianas: A Close-Up Look at an Active Volcano:  Photographs and descriptions from an up-close and personal look at a gently erupting stratovolcano. And now we have even more volcano pics at Heptune's Volcano Photographs!

Villains! Megaera's analysis of several classy villains, with photographs.

Baby Names from Early Jazz and Blues:  Origins and meanings of names from jazz and blues songs, and of jazz and blues musicians.

Heptune's Journal of Lore and Levity:  We have our own e-zine now! Ain't that something?

How to Deal With Your Child's Temper Tantrums: Step-by-step advice from a survivor!

U.S. Presidents: Lists and Records:  Fun presidential facts and trivia in list form.

Heptune's Guide to Cheesy American English Usage: Amusing peculiarities of modern American English that have caught our attention.

What Confucius Thought: Megaera's analysis of the philosophy of Confucius.

The Report of Wenemdiamun: A story set in the reign of Ramses III, during the invasion of the Sea Peoples.

Megaera's Elfwood Gallery: A collection of Megaera's artwork.

Heptune's Instant Online Academic Dean: As a free service to the academic community, Heptune has created an online Dean for all universities.

Drawing of rotifer poker by Megaera Lorenz, featuring Anguirus, Data, Dr. Smith, Akhenaten, Betty Boop and Cab Calloway.

Rotifer Poker

In this drawing by Megaera Lorenz, we see (from left to right) Anguirus, Data, Dr. Smith, Akhenaten and Cab Calloway playing poker for rotifers. Betty Boop is the rotifer girl, providing rotifers (in the little jars) as needed. Click on the various parts of the image to explore Heptune's pages!

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